it is only this
I don't know
,
it is or seems to be
passing by
,
the sympathies that are cared for
wander in and out of vision
,
allowing bodily feeling
.
i tell myself this is nothing more
,
alcohol is one way i control it
but it doesn't
,
drugs another
but they don't
,
sleep
,
this is what it wants
and what i want is you
,
the other
out there
,
out side
.
I take the body places it won't matter
it doesn't matter
,
into the dark crowded spaces
music the only connection
,
pretending to be meaningful
,
or
,
even to groups of us
supposedly like minded
,
riding on a large cruise ship
.
four o'clock -five o'clock rolling around
returning to the dream state
,
and then the sun in through the bay
.
the cruise has docked
,
I cannot delude my self into thinking it is over
,
just refueling and gathering supplies
.